It has been quite a week, and today is only Tuesday (now Wednesday since I left this post in draft mode). I can only imagine how interesting the rest of the week will be.
Last week, Paul had an appointment with the doctor who performs his colonoscopes. Apparently, three years ago Mr. Paul misunderstood that the doctor wanted him back for a 2nd colonoscopy 3 months after (not a couple of years later). Dr H. found an opening at the hospital for the following Wednesday, which is today. We are praying that all is well.
This week I went in for a 2nd ultrasound, external & internal to check out what appeared to be a benign fibroid 3-months ago. I'm beginning to think there is a theme going on here. "3" is a very holy number, representing the Trinity. Anyway, I digress..... The fibroid looked like the texture of a fibroid, but did not behave like one. Marvelous, now I have a rebellious fibroid inside me. Since this misbehaving concerned the doctor, he ordered 3 (that number again) cancer marker blood tests (oh yippee!) and a pelvic MRI. If these tests are inconclusive he may order up a laparoscopic surgery to go in and check out the "thing" that has decided to attach itself to me.
The very strange thing is that right now I am not scared, which surprised Paul. After the reconversion (of the heart) experience I had recently, I have found an indescribable peace. I do have concerns, but they are not taking over my life:
1. This is the biggie....that I will mess up somehow, and find myself not right with God and thus will spend eternity "burning". This is something I can tell you I definitely do NOT have any desire to do.
2. That Paul is not OK and I will eventually lose my best friend. God has granted us the gift of a good marriage and a tight bond, that if broken by death would be debilitating. I know God's Grace will prevail, but I can only imagine how painful and lonely my existence would be without the love of my life.
3. Ok, this one will seem dumb, but I'm afraid the doctor will want to take me off my bioidentical hormones. I have no desire to return to the fogginess, depression, lack of energy and hot flashes that caused me to disengage from life. Between losing my mother and trying to balance my hormones, I am lucky I didn't get fired from my job. I was a mess. I'm now back to normal, and I just want to stay where I am.
4. That my insurance company won't pay for "alternative" cancer treatments if it turns out that one, or both, of us is sick. We do not believe in Chemo, and we are both convinced that Chemo just doesn't work. I read there are 3 (that number) types of cancer Chemo does put in remission, but the rest is a "crap shoot". I'm not poisoning my body and impairing/compromising my immune system for a "crap shoot".
Conclusion, we are stepping out on faith that we will do God's Will and not our own.